To all students:
Remember that when you decide to set up an appointment with me the first thing to do is check my online calendar to see what times are available. I don't want to receive a slew of emails asking me what times are available--that's the whole reason I went to the trouble to put a calendar online. Please be mindful of the fact that I have over 90 students and that I am my own secretary.

I know I shouldn't blog this--I shouldn't I shouldn't I shouldn't. But Ivan's account is so deliciously descriptive and sincere that I can't resist. Glad to see that Ivan, who I gather is somewhat of a math whiz, can putt from both brain hemispheres. Ah the old college days!

Last night, a little after two o'clock, I walked into the bathroom with a razor and shaving cream in hand. The shower closest to the door was on. I washed my face and applied the shaving cream. I was almost finished shaving when I heard a female groan with pleasure. I convinced myself that I was hearing things because it was late. Well, I was wrong. I began to hear the slap of human flesh against human flesh. And the yelps of joy rang louder as I tried to touch up the spots I missed. Confused and bewildered, I stood there for 15 seconds to make sure that I wasnt making stuff up in my mind. Movement of the shower curtains was in unison with the noises being produced by the act being performed in shower #1. Like a deer in the headlights, I walked out of the bathroom. Apparently, the two people had been going at it for the 5+ minutes that I was shaving. I dont even know how to end this story because it was so unexpected. I mean its one thing to hear a girl giggle in the shower stall next to you, which I have heard. But, it is another thing to hear a girl get to the point where she can no longer hold back her happeniss. Before last night, I knew the showers were probably the sight of many a fling, but to see and hear those acts in progress was another thing. People who havent been put in that situation may say, oh Ivan stop being so uptight, but when your actually there you dont know how to react. I think I wouldnt have been so traumatized if I heard these sounds as I was walking in. But, the fact that they came after a couple of minutes of being in there is probably what has confused me so.

Sincerly,
Confused in Crawford

"Liberty without learning is always in peril and learning without liberty is always in vain."
John F. Kennedy
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
George W. Bush

I know, I know, cheap shot....
Okay, one more--I can't help myself.
Kerry's military card:

Bush's military card:

Who's the chump?
Original source: Washington Monthly
Via Logan's Lurch
Let the blog-flames begin!
[Gilbie to self: "That was so worth it!]

COMM 101:
Okay, I'm heading to bed. I have three group speeches left. I'll have to finish up tomorrow evening.

COMM 101:
I'm going to begin posting some of my favorite lines from your speeches. Here's my first entry. This is from Group 5's speech on immigration. It is so simple and elegant, and finishes with a nice set of parallelisms wrapped in a tricolon. Try speaking it out loud--it'll give you a nice little tingle:

Economic issues exist on both sides of the debate on immigration, but let me focus on the interests of the American people for just a moment. It is the very nature of illegal immigration that we do not know how many people are coming across the borders every year. With every new undocumented worker, another potential American job is lost. With every new undocumented worker, a wage is lowered just because there is no one to stop it. With every new undocumented worker, it becomes more difficult to maintain our security and to ensure that a person searching for opportunity will not be placed in harm's way.

Here is another good one. A sharp antithesis couched within clear, direct, and agent-oriented prose. It practically pops off the page, and the tongue!

Tonight, I am formally announcing my decision to support President Bush’s Plan for Immigration. I believe that illegal immigration cannot go unchecked; however, I also believe that immigration should not be stopped.(litotes) The United States needs to harness the advantages of immigration with supportive policies, and I am here tonight to call you to action.

Okay, this one is not quite as elegant, but, it's not half bad and it manages to fit in three classical rhetorical figures side by side. It's their concluding paragraph and they finish like a champion figure (pardon the pun) skater who combines three difficult moves in the finale. They make it look easy don't they? Be afraid of Group 5. Be very afraid.

America has always stood for such ideals as freedom, opportunity, and security. This is due to the actions and character of people such as yourselves.(comprobatio) President Bush’s Plan for Immigration lives up to the traditions and values of this country. Immigration carries with it the potential for great change if harnessed properly, as well as the potential for disaster if left unregulated and ignored. (compositum ex contrariis) With this policy, we will meet the challenges that immigration poses to our security, economy, and public health. (accumlatio) Our plan will ensure that America continues to be a land of opportunity and freedom. God bless you all in this great state.

COMM 228:
Before your group meetings with me to use the iMacs: In addition to giving me the interview material ahead of time, give me the music (on CD) that you want to use as well. You can attach any CDs, with songs or interviews, to my office door with cellophane tape a day or so before our meetings and I'll load everything up on the iMac for you.